I haven't run away... I've been busy enjoying the holidays with family and friends and hope you all are too! I will resume the regularly scheduled insanity soon!
Happy holidays!
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Friday, December 12, 2014
I Might be Blogging all Wrong... Kind of Part 2
Recently I have been finding myself reading lots of other blogs and comparing myself to them. It was in this comparison I realized that the possibility exists that I might be a shitty blogger. My top three reasons were that my blog posts were often very long, that I did not post on a regular basis and that I wasn’t very up on current events. I’m sure there were other reasons but those were the three I chose to focus on for the time being. But what made me think of this, you might ask? Good question I reply:
I love to read, I constantly have my nose in a book, or a magazine, and as I have mentioned before, I have recently been looking up blogs. I loved going through the variety of blogs out there. I have read blogs on fashion (I love vintage styles), blogs on pets (cute dog and cat stories and pictures get me every time) and blogs on cooking (I have to learn somewhere). I have also read a lot of religious blogs. I have read blogs by Atheists, Catholics, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Progressive Christians and, naturally, Pagans. Some of these blogs were great, others not as great but still informative.
In reading all of these blogs I couldn’t help but compare my little blog to those written by others. Some of these writers were amateurs who only wrote on their own blogs, others are pro’s who are published on big websites or even have written books. And you know what; they are all really good at it… I mean really good at it. I have been enthralled with many of them to the point where I stay up late and read until my eyes burn and I can no longer see straight (the Just One More Post Threshold). Some made me laugh, others made me cry and they all made me think. Because I admired them I strove to emulate them.
And I hit a friggen brick wall. I had lots of ideas scrawled away in various notebooks scattered across my house and my office; lots of half started ideas, unfinished thoughts meandering their way across the pages. And yet, no blog posts. It's not that I forgot about writing, I just couldn't seem to get it going. I spent a long time wondering what the hell was wrong with me, hunting down ways to improve, ways to get motivated. I have always had a busy schedule with lots of conflicting demands on me yet have never had such a hard time writing.
I can remember vividly sitting in the corner of the dishroom at my old job, in between running the dishes through the dishwasher and scrapping trays jotting down snatches of ideas, pulling them from my dense little skull and slipping them onto the page. All the while desperately avoiding the prying eyes of my nosy coworkers and overbearing boss. I would rush home and sit in my bedroom and furiously transfer them either into a cleaner notebook or onto my laptop. Even today I can find these scraps of thoughts and stories in my old notebooks, random sheets of paper shoved into a dresser drawer and in files scattered across my laptop.
I have never found writing so hard before... no wait, that's not true... I have had this kind of trouble before. When writing for school or for work. Whenever I had to write a specific way (such as a paper for a class I hated or a short story for English classes or a major report for my boss due the next day) my ability to write seemed to dry right up. I could usually force something passable out of me (thank Gods for deadlines, nothing like the panic a looming deadline creates to force creativity) but it wasn't anything I enjoyed. And now that I think about this I found out that I was blogging all wrong.
In attempting to emulate those I admired I had lost a vital part of my own creativity. I was forcing who and what I am (which expresses itself the most in how I write) into a mold that I was never meant to fill. So today I say goodby to this type of attempted writing. I admire those who write the way they do, they do it a hell of a lot better than I could. Part of me wishes I could write as they do, but that's just not me... and that's ok.
I started this blog with no real clear idea of what I wanted to do with it or where I wanted it to go. I still don't know what I want to do with it or where the hell I want it to go. The only thing I can say is that I'm going to keep doing it, if only for my own amusement, and let it grow into a reflection of myself.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
I Might be a Shitty Blogger... Kind of Part 1
As the title above stats I am really beginning to think that I might just
possibly suck at this blogging thing. I threw my hat into the blogging arena
about two… or was it three years ago! I was very excited about this new thing I
had heard about (which tells you how far behind the times I am). Finally there
was a vehicle for my witty repertoire and my brilliant ideas... ok maybe not so
much. But after a few years I think I might be a shitty blogger.
My first evidence of this fact is that I haven’t posted in almost two months… I gather that most good bloggers tend to post at least two or three times a week! Hahahahahah! Two to three times a week... are you kidding me?!? I have a hard time remembering to clean out the cat box every other day! I'm exceptionally thankful that I am able to remember to pay my bills on time! I had to actually reset my password for the blog to be able to get in and post this Ok so let’s go with a fail on that one…
Second piece of evidence is that in looking at the blogs I enjoy reading they are all much shorter than my average post… apparently my brain is somewhat stuck in college as my posts tend to really follow a nice essay format (be thankful I no longer write 20 page papers… actually I’m glad about that too!) I always seem to have a lot of words, a lot to cover. I pity my friends who have to listen to me tell stories, I take forever! I also find that sometimes I take forever to get to the point or to illustrate an example. You see I just tend to ramble on and on and on… and the points I make I think are valid but sometimes I could probably say the same thing with less words… so that one is a fail…
Third piece of evidence is that blogs are supposed to be relevant. Every good blog that I read has an author that is well informed on current events. They know about politics, environmentalism, media figures. I’m not going to lie, I suck at this one. I am very informed about what is going on with my friends, my family and my local community… beyond that things get really hazy really fast. Some guy named Obama is the president again, ok cool. Olympics are in Sochi… wait there was Olympics this year?!?! Yep add another fail to the list…
I’m sure there are more we could add to the list; this is just the first three that popped into my little skull. To be honest when I started blogging I had no idea what a blog really was. I just saw a chance to make a fool of myself online and jumped at the opportunity. Now that I am what… two years into it I’m beginning to think I’m not very good at it.. Kinda sucks, and it kinda doesn’t!
My first evidence of this fact is that I haven’t posted in almost two months… I gather that most good bloggers tend to post at least two or three times a week! Hahahahahah! Two to three times a week... are you kidding me?!? I have a hard time remembering to clean out the cat box every other day! I'm exceptionally thankful that I am able to remember to pay my bills on time! I had to actually reset my password for the blog to be able to get in and post this Ok so let’s go with a fail on that one…
Second piece of evidence is that in looking at the blogs I enjoy reading they are all much shorter than my average post… apparently my brain is somewhat stuck in college as my posts tend to really follow a nice essay format (be thankful I no longer write 20 page papers… actually I’m glad about that too!) I always seem to have a lot of words, a lot to cover. I pity my friends who have to listen to me tell stories, I take forever! I also find that sometimes I take forever to get to the point or to illustrate an example. You see I just tend to ramble on and on and on… and the points I make I think are valid but sometimes I could probably say the same thing with less words… so that one is a fail…
Third piece of evidence is that blogs are supposed to be relevant. Every good blog that I read has an author that is well informed on current events. They know about politics, environmentalism, media figures. I’m not going to lie, I suck at this one. I am very informed about what is going on with my friends, my family and my local community… beyond that things get really hazy really fast. Some guy named Obama is the president again, ok cool. Olympics are in Sochi… wait there was Olympics this year?!?! Yep add another fail to the list…
I’m sure there are more we could add to the list; this is just the first three that popped into my little skull. To be honest when I started blogging I had no idea what a blog really was. I just saw a chance to make a fool of myself online and jumped at the opportunity. Now that I am what… two years into it I’m beginning to think I’m not very good at it.. Kinda sucks, and it kinda doesn’t!
Saturday, November 29, 2014
A Winter Night in Alberta
 |
| The Apple Tree |
 |
| In Front of our House |
 |
| Our Backyard |
 |
| The Road that Runs Through Town |
 |
| Tonight's Moon |
 |
| Warm Fire |
Despite the dump of snow and the very cold temperatures I can't help but hold my breath and marvel at the beauty of Winter.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Some Good Music to Make Friday!
Here in Central Alberta we are having lots of snow and it is COLD outside, so bundle up, have some hot chocolate and rock out to some good music to keep you warm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwTcYDD3UBg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2D6C2IC1U0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DtMZBF1mMw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwTcYDD3UBg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2D6C2IC1U0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DtMZBF1mMw
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
A Facebook Challenge
Recently on Facebook I was nominated to list 10 books that have stuck with me for some reason. I normally don't get involved with these types of things but I found this one was interesting. I enjoyed reading what my friends had to say and taking the time to wander through my book cases and review some of the books I have read throughout the years. It was like stopping by and saying hello to old friends I hadn't seen in a while. I spent three or for days, flipping through the pages and savoring some of my favorite passages
I actually forgot about the challenge for a few days while I visited my books... until a second friend challenged me, recalling me to my first reason for going through the books! I actually found this rather challenging, I learned to read very young in life (daughter of two educators) and since I learned how to read I was always eager to read more, learn more about the world around me and get lost in stories. Trying to pick just ten that stuck with me took quite a bit of thought and inner debating. Luckily one of my friends showed me a small cheat and added whole series as one entry, so I followed her lead to help me narrow down my choices. I selected these books because they either are books I have read over and over again, or are books that touched something within myself and changed the way I looked at the world.
10. Sherlock Holmes collection - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: This selection is purely entertainment value. I first picked up these around Grade 6 and instantly found myself transported to Victorian England. I loved the use of language, the descriptions of the setting of the story. The character of Holmes I actually found both ingenious and kind of funny. I still read these books and keep digital copies on my kindles (one on my phone one on my computer)
9. War of the Worlds - H.G Wells: I first read this book when I was a teenager and for about two or three weeks found myself constantly watching the skies. Now granted I knew there was no Martians in the sense of the book, I still knew that we didn't know what else was out there. Every year at least once or twice during the year my husband and I turn off all the lights, light some candles and listen to the 1938 radio broadcast.
8. Dracula - Bram Stoker: I actually never got around to this book until my last year of high school but when I read it I was hooked. Once again I loved the use of language, the vast sweeping descriptions in the book; I could almost see, hear and smell everything in the book. I found the book to be romantic and terrifying. I re-read it every few years and still am disappointed that I have never found a movie that fully follows the story line.
7. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - J.R.R Tolkien: I read this series after the first movie came out on DVD. I was still in high school, was babysitting for a family and let the kids pick the movie. They chose The Fellowship of the Ring. I was never all that into the Fantasy Genera before and so I rolled my eyes as I popped the movie into the player. Within minutes I was hooked and was furious when the movie ended. I ranted and raved for a few minutes about how they ended it before the story was over. The 8 year old girl turned, looked at me and said "It's a Trilogy... duh". The next day I told my dad about the movie and he told me it was a book trilogy first. I made him take me to chapters right away. I loved them, the storyline, the intricate creation of cultures and languages within the book, the fact that he had created a whole new world, was AMAZING! After this I might have to reread the books again... then have a marathon.
6. 1984 - George Orwell: This book I first had to read in high school and I am not going to lie... I barely read it. We had to read three novels that year and read the Shakespearian play Macbeth. I was way more into the play than I was with 1984 so I speed read through it well enough to get a good grade. In university I had to read it again and after having a few more years under my belt I was able to fully understand George Orwell`s genius commentary on 1950`s society. I also found it frightening because I could still see something like it happening to this day.
5.The Earth Children Series (1st four books) - Jean M. Auel: I first started reading these books in high school, my dad had the first four of the series on his bookshelf for years as a kid and when I was younger I would pull them down and look at the pictures on the front and flip to the maps and drawings. When I finally read them I loved them. They were rich and descriptive and brought to life pre-history for me. I actually still enjoy reading about archeology and archeological theories on prehistory because of the interest this series developed in me. It was also the first books I had ever read where the religion was based on a female deity. It opened up some new ideas in my mind that would eventually lead me to begin researching various religions.
4. The Avalon Series - Marion Zimmer Bradley and Diana L. Paxson: I haven`t read all of the books yet, but I have read The Mists of Avalon, the Lady of Avalon, Ancestors of Avalon and the Ravens of Avalon. I read the Lady of Avalon while I was working at a summer camp and loved it! And in the Mists of Avalon the mixing of Fantasy and history while telling the story from the perspective of women was enchanting to me. Plus it was a whole new way of looking at the story which really appealed to me.
3.The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz. This series I read shortly after I finished university. I found the whole series really helpful in navigating the world. I was in the process of rebuilding myself after some personal trauma. In summary the agreements are: Be Impeccable with Your Word, Don't Take Anything Personally, Don't Make Assumptions and Always do Your Best. These ideas have followed me in life and have really served me well.
2. The Spiral Dance - Starhawk - While not my first book on paganism it was amongst my books and was the most influential. The poetic language, the passion for social justice, the idea of the benefit of a Goddess for both men and women were all beautiful to me. It was the first book that really made the idea of magic and ritual make sense to me. Before that I read the rituals with no idea why the hell anyone would want to perform them. With her book I felt empowered to try her rituals and then my own, and to find the divine in my own way.
1. The Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank - I read this book years ago. It was actually not a required reading for me at the time, my dad had a copy of the book for his class (being a teacher's daughter does have perks since teachers always have lots of books) so I borrowed it over the summer to read. This was my first introduction to the horror of the Holocaust. In all the years of my research and studies into WWII and the Holocaust this book, along with the survivor stories, really helped me to understand the human toll that oppression, hatred and bigotry takes.
So there you have it, the top ten books that have stuck with me for several year. I hope you have enjoyed this trip down memory lane with me, I certainly enjoyed bringing it to you. Now if you will excuse me, the book self beckons...
Yours humbly
The Redneck Pagan
I actually forgot about the challenge for a few days while I visited my books... until a second friend challenged me, recalling me to my first reason for going through the books! I actually found this rather challenging, I learned to read very young in life (daughter of two educators) and since I learned how to read I was always eager to read more, learn more about the world around me and get lost in stories. Trying to pick just ten that stuck with me took quite a bit of thought and inner debating. Luckily one of my friends showed me a small cheat and added whole series as one entry, so I followed her lead to help me narrow down my choices. I selected these books because they either are books I have read over and over again, or are books that touched something within myself and changed the way I looked at the world.
10. Sherlock Holmes collection - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: This selection is purely entertainment value. I first picked up these around Grade 6 and instantly found myself transported to Victorian England. I loved the use of language, the descriptions of the setting of the story. The character of Holmes I actually found both ingenious and kind of funny. I still read these books and keep digital copies on my kindles (one on my phone one on my computer)
9. War of the Worlds - H.G Wells: I first read this book when I was a teenager and for about two or three weeks found myself constantly watching the skies. Now granted I knew there was no Martians in the sense of the book, I still knew that we didn't know what else was out there. Every year at least once or twice during the year my husband and I turn off all the lights, light some candles and listen to the 1938 radio broadcast.
8. Dracula - Bram Stoker: I actually never got around to this book until my last year of high school but when I read it I was hooked. Once again I loved the use of language, the vast sweeping descriptions in the book; I could almost see, hear and smell everything in the book. I found the book to be romantic and terrifying. I re-read it every few years and still am disappointed that I have never found a movie that fully follows the story line.
7. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - J.R.R Tolkien: I read this series after the first movie came out on DVD. I was still in high school, was babysitting for a family and let the kids pick the movie. They chose The Fellowship of the Ring. I was never all that into the Fantasy Genera before and so I rolled my eyes as I popped the movie into the player. Within minutes I was hooked and was furious when the movie ended. I ranted and raved for a few minutes about how they ended it before the story was over. The 8 year old girl turned, looked at me and said "It's a Trilogy... duh". The next day I told my dad about the movie and he told me it was a book trilogy first. I made him take me to chapters right away. I loved them, the storyline, the intricate creation of cultures and languages within the book, the fact that he had created a whole new world, was AMAZING! After this I might have to reread the books again... then have a marathon.
6. 1984 - George Orwell: This book I first had to read in high school and I am not going to lie... I barely read it. We had to read three novels that year and read the Shakespearian play Macbeth. I was way more into the play than I was with 1984 so I speed read through it well enough to get a good grade. In university I had to read it again and after having a few more years under my belt I was able to fully understand George Orwell`s genius commentary on 1950`s society. I also found it frightening because I could still see something like it happening to this day.
5.The Earth Children Series (1st four books) - Jean M. Auel: I first started reading these books in high school, my dad had the first four of the series on his bookshelf for years as a kid and when I was younger I would pull them down and look at the pictures on the front and flip to the maps and drawings. When I finally read them I loved them. They were rich and descriptive and brought to life pre-history for me. I actually still enjoy reading about archeology and archeological theories on prehistory because of the interest this series developed in me. It was also the first books I had ever read where the religion was based on a female deity. It opened up some new ideas in my mind that would eventually lead me to begin researching various religions.
4. The Avalon Series - Marion Zimmer Bradley and Diana L. Paxson: I haven`t read all of the books yet, but I have read The Mists of Avalon, the Lady of Avalon, Ancestors of Avalon and the Ravens of Avalon. I read the Lady of Avalon while I was working at a summer camp and loved it! And in the Mists of Avalon the mixing of Fantasy and history while telling the story from the perspective of women was enchanting to me. Plus it was a whole new way of looking at the story which really appealed to me.
3.The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz. This series I read shortly after I finished university. I found the whole series really helpful in navigating the world. I was in the process of rebuilding myself after some personal trauma. In summary the agreements are: Be Impeccable with Your Word, Don't Take Anything Personally, Don't Make Assumptions and Always do Your Best. These ideas have followed me in life and have really served me well.
2. The Spiral Dance - Starhawk - While not my first book on paganism it was amongst my books and was the most influential. The poetic language, the passion for social justice, the idea of the benefit of a Goddess for both men and women were all beautiful to me. It was the first book that really made the idea of magic and ritual make sense to me. Before that I read the rituals with no idea why the hell anyone would want to perform them. With her book I felt empowered to try her rituals and then my own, and to find the divine in my own way.
1. The Diary of Anne Frank - Anne Frank - I read this book years ago. It was actually not a required reading for me at the time, my dad had a copy of the book for his class (being a teacher's daughter does have perks since teachers always have lots of books) so I borrowed it over the summer to read. This was my first introduction to the horror of the Holocaust. In all the years of my research and studies into WWII and the Holocaust this book, along with the survivor stories, really helped me to understand the human toll that oppression, hatred and bigotry takes.
So there you have it, the top ten books that have stuck with me for several year. I hope you have enjoyed this trip down memory lane with me, I certainly enjoyed bringing it to you. Now if you will excuse me, the book self beckons...
Yours humbly
The Redneck Pagan
Saturday, July 26, 2014
A Conversation with a Goddess
Well look at this... I'm actually posting again! So I am not going to lie, things have been a bit on the rough side. I've spent the past few weeks telling my closest friends my long list of sob stories so I won't bore the rest of the free world with them, other than to say the past few months have been a shrieking Hell on earth.The hardest part was that it was not just one event, but multiple events, each of them shook the foundations of my life (and my husband's life) to the point that I felt as though the ground was collapsing under my feet. The events of the past few months also brought out almost every old hurt and insecurity that I have held onto for the past 30 years of my life. Fortunately things finally calmed down enough over the past few weeks that we have been able to start getting our bearings.
I wish I could say that I handled the past few months well, but I really didn't. I cried a lot, and I don't mean sweet, pretty crying you see on TV, I mean full out snotty bawling like a baby crying. I screamed a few times, I was mopy and cranky for days on end and spent many days just plain down in the dumps.I still owe a million thanks to my family and friends who stood by me during the past few months, I know I have not been easy to live with. Between the professional and personal issues I also ran into a huge crisis of faith where nothing made sense anymore. I tried to read books, cast spells and do some rituals but everything felt hollow and empty and made me feel more lost than when I had started.
While emotionally I was going through the wringer I have to admit that I went through the rest of my life on autopilot. I got up in the morning, painted a smile on my face, went to work, came home, broke down a little, went to bed and then started all over again the next day. None of my usual coping methods (journaling, stones, meditation, gardening, music) were working. I felt completely out of touch with myself. Naturally many things in my life fell by the wayside; this blog, my garden, keeping the house in shape and everything to do with my spirituality.
Fortunately our vacation came in time to save my bacon. Two days of driving to the coast and then five days staying on the beach, lounging and spending time with my family, followed by a two day drive home, really helped me to get the cobwebs shook loose. I began engaging in daily life again and started pulling myself out of my funk... but something was missing. I really didn't want to sink back into the hole I had just pulled myself out of so I knew I had to do something. Things at work were rather slow so I spent a bit of time pondering what to do. An then I had an idea. I mulled it over for a few minutes and then decided to try this novel idea as soon as I got home. My husband was working the late shift at his job.
When I got home I pulled out one of our collapsible tables and set it up next to my favorite chair in the living room. I placed a nice cloth over the table and placed the statue of my favorite Goddess on the table. I poured myself a glass of wine and poured a second glass for Her. I then put on a music DVD (Cher's Farewell Tour, seemed appropriate). I then focused on that Goddess for a few minutes and then lit a candle. I held Her glass of wine in front of the statue for a moment and asked her to join me for a glass of wine and to talk.
I sat there for a few minutes sipping my wine and looking at the statue, feeling kind of foolish and wondering if this madcap idea was really a good one. So I began to sing along with the DVD (and make the poor dog cringe). After a few minutes I started to talk a little... then I began to talk a lot. I talked about everything, about things from my childhood that had hurt me, about things I was so angry about (including how short I am, I mean I need a stool to get my mixing bowls down!). I talked about the last few months and how much they had hurt me. I talked about what I wanted to fix in my life, what I no longer wanted. In between I sang along with some of my favorite shows, let the dog out to escape my singing, made sarcastic comments and drank wine.
When it was almost time for my husband to come home I thanked the Goddess for her time, poured the wine out onto a tree in my yard and put everything in order. As I placed the statue back onto it's spot on our shrine I asked her if we could do this again sometime and went to make a quick supper. That night I went to bed and for the first time in months fell asleep right away. After not doing any rituals or anything remotely spiritual in months I had finally found a way to sooth my spirit.
It was the strangest ritual I have ever done. There were no real tools, no circle cast, no call to the directions or the elements. It followed no format and was completely unplanned, and yet it reached me deep down in my soul. Over the past few days I have been pondering about this and made some important realizations.
First and foremost was that I had stopped listening to myself. I was so focused on the outwards aspects of my life that I had not stopped to take the time to sooth my soul. When I did notice that I was out of sorts I tried following the rituals laid out by others, which failed miserably. I realized that I had focused way to much on the outward form, trying to do an "appropriate ritual" that I had lost the whole point of rituals... getting in touch with the divine. My focus was so much on what the right candles to use were that I forgot how to connect to the divine. I was working so hard on being religious that I had forgotten how to be spiritual. And finally it reminded me that the everyday things in our lives can be magical tools of transformation.
I'm sure somebody reading this will cringe that I would dare to approach a Goddess in such a manner, and to save them the trouble of sending me the scathing email I will tell you my answer now: BITE ME! I finally have been able to get back in touch with my soul and with the Goddess I follow, so far she hasn't yelled at me, in fact I feel like I am closer to her than I have been in years. I will still write and create more formal rituals, but every once in a while I think I will invite the Goddess over to watch some Cher and have a glass of wine with me!
Yours Humbly
The Redneck Pagan
I wish I could say that I handled the past few months well, but I really didn't. I cried a lot, and I don't mean sweet, pretty crying you see on TV, I mean full out snotty bawling like a baby crying. I screamed a few times, I was mopy and cranky for days on end and spent many days just plain down in the dumps.I still owe a million thanks to my family and friends who stood by me during the past few months, I know I have not been easy to live with. Between the professional and personal issues I also ran into a huge crisis of faith where nothing made sense anymore. I tried to read books, cast spells and do some rituals but everything felt hollow and empty and made me feel more lost than when I had started.
While emotionally I was going through the wringer I have to admit that I went through the rest of my life on autopilot. I got up in the morning, painted a smile on my face, went to work, came home, broke down a little, went to bed and then started all over again the next day. None of my usual coping methods (journaling, stones, meditation, gardening, music) were working. I felt completely out of touch with myself. Naturally many things in my life fell by the wayside; this blog, my garden, keeping the house in shape and everything to do with my spirituality.
Fortunately our vacation came in time to save my bacon. Two days of driving to the coast and then five days staying on the beach, lounging and spending time with my family, followed by a two day drive home, really helped me to get the cobwebs shook loose. I began engaging in daily life again and started pulling myself out of my funk... but something was missing. I really didn't want to sink back into the hole I had just pulled myself out of so I knew I had to do something. Things at work were rather slow so I spent a bit of time pondering what to do. An then I had an idea. I mulled it over for a few minutes and then decided to try this novel idea as soon as I got home. My husband was working the late shift at his job.
When I got home I pulled out one of our collapsible tables and set it up next to my favorite chair in the living room. I placed a nice cloth over the table and placed the statue of my favorite Goddess on the table. I poured myself a glass of wine and poured a second glass for Her. I then put on a music DVD (Cher's Farewell Tour, seemed appropriate). I then focused on that Goddess for a few minutes and then lit a candle. I held Her glass of wine in front of the statue for a moment and asked her to join me for a glass of wine and to talk.
I sat there for a few minutes sipping my wine and looking at the statue, feeling kind of foolish and wondering if this madcap idea was really a good one. So I began to sing along with the DVD (and make the poor dog cringe). After a few minutes I started to talk a little... then I began to talk a lot. I talked about everything, about things from my childhood that had hurt me, about things I was so angry about (including how short I am, I mean I need a stool to get my mixing bowls down!). I talked about the last few months and how much they had hurt me. I talked about what I wanted to fix in my life, what I no longer wanted. In between I sang along with some of my favorite shows, let the dog out to escape my singing, made sarcastic comments and drank wine.
When it was almost time for my husband to come home I thanked the Goddess for her time, poured the wine out onto a tree in my yard and put everything in order. As I placed the statue back onto it's spot on our shrine I asked her if we could do this again sometime and went to make a quick supper. That night I went to bed and for the first time in months fell asleep right away. After not doing any rituals or anything remotely spiritual in months I had finally found a way to sooth my spirit.
It was the strangest ritual I have ever done. There were no real tools, no circle cast, no call to the directions or the elements. It followed no format and was completely unplanned, and yet it reached me deep down in my soul. Over the past few days I have been pondering about this and made some important realizations.
First and foremost was that I had stopped listening to myself. I was so focused on the outwards aspects of my life that I had not stopped to take the time to sooth my soul. When I did notice that I was out of sorts I tried following the rituals laid out by others, which failed miserably. I realized that I had focused way to much on the outward form, trying to do an "appropriate ritual" that I had lost the whole point of rituals... getting in touch with the divine. My focus was so much on what the right candles to use were that I forgot how to connect to the divine. I was working so hard on being religious that I had forgotten how to be spiritual. And finally it reminded me that the everyday things in our lives can be magical tools of transformation.
I'm sure somebody reading this will cringe that I would dare to approach a Goddess in such a manner, and to save them the trouble of sending me the scathing email I will tell you my answer now: BITE ME! I finally have been able to get back in touch with my soul and with the Goddess I follow, so far she hasn't yelled at me, in fact I feel like I am closer to her than I have been in years. I will still write and create more formal rituals, but every once in a while I think I will invite the Goddess over to watch some Cher and have a glass of wine with me!
Yours Humbly
The Redneck Pagan
Saturday, March 1, 2014
To Eowyn Cara
I recently got an email from a Lady named Eowyn, her email address that Witches' Voice provided is not working. In hope that she may get this I will post here:
Hi Eowyn
Thank you very much for your kind email. I'm afraid I cannot take very much credit for that article. The lady who came to speak to us spoke so well, so movingly, with such gentle strength her words seem to have imprinted into my very soul. The article was far more her voice than mine. I am, however, more than happy to be able to share her story, and have it's power touch as many as possible!
I'm not on too much social media, I have a twitter account (that I often forget I have), a facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/
Thank you again for taking the time to write! I always am happy to hear that my words are appreciated! I hope wherever you are in the world you are staying safe and warm (here in Central Alberta we are having a nasty cold snap).
Yours Humbly
The Redneck Pagan
Sunday, January 19, 2014
When the Spell and/or Ritual Flops
Picture this, a quite, beautiful full moon night in September. The air is warm and the leaves are changing and you can hear them rattle against each other as you step outside into the night. You have your list in hand, your supplies have been gathered and you have learned the ritual inside and out. You go to a spot in the yard, and set up your altar and prepare yourself. You cast your circle, you follow the script to perfection, not omitting a single word. You then close your circle, leave your libation and pick up your tools. As you walk back to the bright lights of the house you frown because you have a nagging little thought in the back of your head "Did the dang thing work?"
Sound familiar yet? It probably does, but do not feel bad if this reads like a ritual you have done because it has happened to me as well! In all honesty I would wager that this has happened to everybody at least once in their witchy career’s, and probably more than once! And if someone says that it has never happened to them then I call BS because we are all human. Being human means we are going to make mistakes, have off days and sometimes our rituals will flop and we will feel nothing! This also goes for our spells
So why do our rituals flop? Well there can be a lot of reasons; I have yet to go through them all myself. Let’s start with the scenario I gave, the full moon solo ritual. There are a lot of reasons that ritual or spell could have failed. A major one is mental state. Did your day at work suck and all you can think about is the crappy day? Do you have a huge project to do that is looming over you? Did you just have a fight with a loved one? Did you just loose someone you love? Are bills piling up and have you worried out of your skull? Are the kids being brats today? Do you have a high stakes meeting the next day at work? In my humble experience fatigue and mental stress are the biggest ways to tank your ritual.
In a ritual or a spell it is our intention that determines the outcome, and if you are worrying about something then you are not focusing your intent, you are gnawing at the problem like a dog with a bone. I can personally think of a handful of rituals and spells I did that failed because I was too distracted to perform them! This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means you need to either sort the problem out in your head before a ritual or find a way to set it aside before the ritual. If I have a problem that is going to last a while I take a piece of paper, write it down and put it somewhere outside of my ritual space. I tell myself that I am putting this down and will pick it up after the ritual. I then find I can shift my focus to the ritual.
The next thing you want to look at is your medical health. Did you have a headache before the ritual? Were you really hungry? Did you get enough sleep this week? Are you getting over a cold or a flu? Did you eat something that made you feel off? Are you taking any prescription medication? Did you take an over the counter medication? Are you feeling healthy and well or run down and blah? Working a ritual does take up our energy, and if you are sick then your body is pulling that energy to heal itself and might not be able to spare any for a ritual. I once tried to do a Samhain ritual right after having the flu, it was a terrible idea. I spent the whole ritual feeling too hot, too cold, my head was pounding and I felt queasy. Half way through the ritual I apologized to the gods and shut the circle down. I lit a candle, said a prayer to the dead, I left an offering outside and went to bed.
Any kind of medication is going to play havoc with your system and can even play with your mind. When I take cough syrup I often will feel dizzy and sleepy, and cold tabs make me feel rather stoned. I am not functioning at 100% on those medications and will avoid rituals when I am taking them (and as I take them when I am sick I know from experience working when sick is not always wise). Prescription medications are a touchy subject, and one I do not have enough expertise to fully address. I would advise that if it is a short term medication, such as an antibiotic wait until you are finished the medication. You are taking it to get well again and you want to conserve your energies for that purpose. Long term medications are a different story, you might be on them for weeks, months or even years and I am not a medical expert. I would advise that you seek out an elder or a very long time practitioner for their expertise and assistance. They would be able to help you learn your own boundaries with how your body and mind interact with the medications and ritual workings. I would also advise you use good judgement. If a ritual is making you feel terrible and out of whack while you are on medications stop the ritual and ground yourself immediately.
Ok, so your mental health and intentions were set, but the ritual still flopped. Is it possible you missed something? Maybe you forgot a part in the ritual, or didn't have your correspondences fine tuned, maybe you mixed up something. It could be that the time of the day was wrong for the intention of the ritual, or perhaps you selected a Deity that didn't quite match up with what you were doing. There are a lot of ways that we can make a mistake in our ritual planning and execution. Maybe it was a ritual you read in a book that looked cool, but didn't mean much to you so you weren't able to get the right frame of mind. There are lots of things that can throw a ritual off or throw a monkey wrench into a spell.
So what do we do? Well step one is going to have to be not to panic! The first time I felt nothing in one of my rituals I freaked out and tried to redo it three or four times. Guess what, that didn’t work. I felt less and less power each time and more and more fear and panic. Finally I got bright and wrote down what happened and walked away from it. A few weeks later I was able to look back and figure out what went wrong. In that case I was getting over a bad flu and my body was not really ready for the ritual.
Once you have talked yourself out of the panic of "Oh my Goddess, it didn’t work, I’m going to lose my broom! I’m not a witch because it didn’t work". Take a moment, sit down and write out everything you can. Write what you ate that day, what the weather is like, moon phase, what did you do over the last day or two, what your health is like and for women where in your cycle you are. Then walk away from it for a few days. No really, walk away from it for a few days, forget it ever happened. A few days gives you a clearer perspective and can let you see if there were any mistakes made, if your health was off or if your mind wasn't in the right place. It also gives you some time to watch your life unfold and perhaps see your ritual or spell working. Maybe you cast a spell for abundance and a few days later you got a raise at work, or a friend gave you an old table she didn't need, or you got an unexpected cheque in the mail. These are results that take some time and you won't see them right after the ritual/spell.
Or to your amazement, it might have worked! When I was a very new witch I would perform a ritual and then sit back and wonder if it did work or not! I was a solitary for years and had nobody to ask if it worked or not. I eventually came across a book that a friend lent me (and I wish I could remember who wrote it so I could credit the author!) and in the book the author spoke about rituals and spells. The author explained that there is no Hollywood effects, no lightening in the sky, no booming voices, or sudden wind storms. The author explained that it would be far more subtle. You might feel calmer, more relaxed after ritual. Other people might feel pumped up, full of energy and happy. Others might get chills and tingles across the body while another person might feel a sense of accomplishment at the end.
So your ritual might not have flopped at all, but you just haven't learned how your body and mind reacts to the ritual. After I read that I made a note of it on a sticky note and left it on the front of my notebook I was using as a book of shadows. The next full moon I went along and performed my ritual. I recorded everything as I have recommended above, and included how I was feeling. I did this for a few months, rituals and spells alike. I discovered that after a successful ritual I often feel really relaxed, peaceful and a bit tingly inside. After a spell however, I feel pumped up, like I could run to the nearest town (25kms away) and a sense of accomplishment. After I learned this about myself I was able to gauge when a spell or ritual worked or failed.
So when your ritual or spell goes flop do not panic, treat it as a great chance to learn something new and to grow. You might discover that you need a certain type of ritual to set the mood right, or that you are just no good at working a spell when your workload is stressing you out. You might discover that certain Deities don't work out well for you, or that a certain format makes your works tank every time. Either way it will only lead you to self discovery and better understanding of the path you are walking on!
Yours Humbly
The Redneck Pagan
Sound familiar yet? It probably does, but do not feel bad if this reads like a ritual you have done because it has happened to me as well! In all honesty I would wager that this has happened to everybody at least once in their witchy career’s, and probably more than once! And if someone says that it has never happened to them then I call BS because we are all human. Being human means we are going to make mistakes, have off days and sometimes our rituals will flop and we will feel nothing! This also goes for our spells
So why do our rituals flop? Well there can be a lot of reasons; I have yet to go through them all myself. Let’s start with the scenario I gave, the full moon solo ritual. There are a lot of reasons that ritual or spell could have failed. A major one is mental state. Did your day at work suck and all you can think about is the crappy day? Do you have a huge project to do that is looming over you? Did you just have a fight with a loved one? Did you just loose someone you love? Are bills piling up and have you worried out of your skull? Are the kids being brats today? Do you have a high stakes meeting the next day at work? In my humble experience fatigue and mental stress are the biggest ways to tank your ritual.
In a ritual or a spell it is our intention that determines the outcome, and if you are worrying about something then you are not focusing your intent, you are gnawing at the problem like a dog with a bone. I can personally think of a handful of rituals and spells I did that failed because I was too distracted to perform them! This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, it just means you need to either sort the problem out in your head before a ritual or find a way to set it aside before the ritual. If I have a problem that is going to last a while I take a piece of paper, write it down and put it somewhere outside of my ritual space. I tell myself that I am putting this down and will pick it up after the ritual. I then find I can shift my focus to the ritual.
The next thing you want to look at is your medical health. Did you have a headache before the ritual? Were you really hungry? Did you get enough sleep this week? Are you getting over a cold or a flu? Did you eat something that made you feel off? Are you taking any prescription medication? Did you take an over the counter medication? Are you feeling healthy and well or run down and blah? Working a ritual does take up our energy, and if you are sick then your body is pulling that energy to heal itself and might not be able to spare any for a ritual. I once tried to do a Samhain ritual right after having the flu, it was a terrible idea. I spent the whole ritual feeling too hot, too cold, my head was pounding and I felt queasy. Half way through the ritual I apologized to the gods and shut the circle down. I lit a candle, said a prayer to the dead, I left an offering outside and went to bed.
Any kind of medication is going to play havoc with your system and can even play with your mind. When I take cough syrup I often will feel dizzy and sleepy, and cold tabs make me feel rather stoned. I am not functioning at 100% on those medications and will avoid rituals when I am taking them (and as I take them when I am sick I know from experience working when sick is not always wise). Prescription medications are a touchy subject, and one I do not have enough expertise to fully address. I would advise that if it is a short term medication, such as an antibiotic wait until you are finished the medication. You are taking it to get well again and you want to conserve your energies for that purpose. Long term medications are a different story, you might be on them for weeks, months or even years and I am not a medical expert. I would advise that you seek out an elder or a very long time practitioner for their expertise and assistance. They would be able to help you learn your own boundaries with how your body and mind interact with the medications and ritual workings. I would also advise you use good judgement. If a ritual is making you feel terrible and out of whack while you are on medications stop the ritual and ground yourself immediately.
Ok, so your mental health and intentions were set, but the ritual still flopped. Is it possible you missed something? Maybe you forgot a part in the ritual, or didn't have your correspondences fine tuned, maybe you mixed up something. It could be that the time of the day was wrong for the intention of the ritual, or perhaps you selected a Deity that didn't quite match up with what you were doing. There are a lot of ways that we can make a mistake in our ritual planning and execution. Maybe it was a ritual you read in a book that looked cool, but didn't mean much to you so you weren't able to get the right frame of mind. There are lots of things that can throw a ritual off or throw a monkey wrench into a spell.
So what do we do? Well step one is going to have to be not to panic! The first time I felt nothing in one of my rituals I freaked out and tried to redo it three or four times. Guess what, that didn’t work. I felt less and less power each time and more and more fear and panic. Finally I got bright and wrote down what happened and walked away from it. A few weeks later I was able to look back and figure out what went wrong. In that case I was getting over a bad flu and my body was not really ready for the ritual.
Once you have talked yourself out of the panic of "Oh my Goddess, it didn’t work, I’m going to lose my broom! I’m not a witch because it didn’t work". Take a moment, sit down and write out everything you can. Write what you ate that day, what the weather is like, moon phase, what did you do over the last day or two, what your health is like and for women where in your cycle you are. Then walk away from it for a few days. No really, walk away from it for a few days, forget it ever happened. A few days gives you a clearer perspective and can let you see if there were any mistakes made, if your health was off or if your mind wasn't in the right place. It also gives you some time to watch your life unfold and perhaps see your ritual or spell working. Maybe you cast a spell for abundance and a few days later you got a raise at work, or a friend gave you an old table she didn't need, or you got an unexpected cheque in the mail. These are results that take some time and you won't see them right after the ritual/spell.
Or to your amazement, it might have worked! When I was a very new witch I would perform a ritual and then sit back and wonder if it did work or not! I was a solitary for years and had nobody to ask if it worked or not. I eventually came across a book that a friend lent me (and I wish I could remember who wrote it so I could credit the author!) and in the book the author spoke about rituals and spells. The author explained that there is no Hollywood effects, no lightening in the sky, no booming voices, or sudden wind storms. The author explained that it would be far more subtle. You might feel calmer, more relaxed after ritual. Other people might feel pumped up, full of energy and happy. Others might get chills and tingles across the body while another person might feel a sense of accomplishment at the end.
So your ritual might not have flopped at all, but you just haven't learned how your body and mind reacts to the ritual. After I read that I made a note of it on a sticky note and left it on the front of my notebook I was using as a book of shadows. The next full moon I went along and performed my ritual. I recorded everything as I have recommended above, and included how I was feeling. I did this for a few months, rituals and spells alike. I discovered that after a successful ritual I often feel really relaxed, peaceful and a bit tingly inside. After a spell however, I feel pumped up, like I could run to the nearest town (25kms away) and a sense of accomplishment. After I learned this about myself I was able to gauge when a spell or ritual worked or failed.
So when your ritual or spell goes flop do not panic, treat it as a great chance to learn something new and to grow. You might discover that you need a certain type of ritual to set the mood right, or that you are just no good at working a spell when your workload is stressing you out. You might discover that certain Deities don't work out well for you, or that a certain format makes your works tank every time. Either way it will only lead you to self discovery and better understanding of the path you are walking on!
Yours Humbly
The Redneck Pagan
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