Coming Full Circle

The only thing life I have learned with certainty, if the fact that there is still so much for me to learn!

(I am sure that’s a quote from somewhere but I have no idea from where. So if somebody knows where on earth that one came from please give that person credit in the comments section. )

And so this brings me to my next topic to rant about: going back to the basics. I personally started peeking into the beautiful world of Paganism and Witchcraft about nine years ago. As most people, I had been raised in a “conventional household”, Mom, Dad, Brother, Dog and Bird. My grandparents on my father’s side are very devout Catholics. I can find no fault in them for their faith. They are wonderful people! My Grandmother is part of a group of Married Nuns (I cannot remember what they call themselves), she is at the Church daily, cooking meals for seniors, knitting hats and mitts for less fortunate children, singing in the choir, and helping everybody who crosses her path. My Grandfather helped with repairs around the Church and his neighbor’s homes, went to senior living facilities and hospitals to give comfort, pray and deliver the Communion the priest had blessed. They do not quote bible passages endlessly; I have never been forced to go to church with them, the most they did was when I was over for Easter my Grandfather prayed aloud before the meal.

My parents were less religious than my grandparents were and so religion was not a huge part of my life. On Christmas Eve my father read from the family bible the story of Jesus birth (a tradition in his family) and then went right into “T’was the Night Before Christmas”.  We had a manger beside the tree, but I played with them just like they were dolls and my mother never objected. When I was in Grade 5 my parents found a nice little school that was completely French (they had put me in French Immersion when I was four) so I transferred over to the Catholic School System. I still never went to church and did well enough in the religion classes to pass. In High School I went back into the public system. Graduated and still had never been forced into a religion.

I do not blame my parents at all for this. My Dad took me to several churches whenever I asked him to, answered my questions as I asked them, and told me it was important for me to decide things for myself. As such in high school I started reading up on different religions, I started with Buddhism, read a bit into Judaism, read on some different branches of Christianity, Fell in love with Aboriginal Spirituality (although I never practiced it as I did not want to usurp the culture of another) I even studied Hinduism, Sikh faith and read a little into Islam. I never did stay long on one topic, I learned enough to satisfy curiosity, and then moved on. I never practiced their rites and rituals, so I just kept hop scotching along. I finished High School, got a Job, got another job, got fired from one job (topic for another blog post), got another job the day after I got fired and was grateful for that since the day before I got fired I had been accepted into College for full time studies (even though I had only applied as part time).

My first few weeks of College would be the catalyst for launching me into Paganism. I met two young ladies who were themselves Witches. They lent me books, taught me the lingo, and let me follow them like a lost puppy into New Age stores and the Occult section of the local Library. I was hooked! I read every book I could get my hands on, collected crystals at an alarming rate (I’m still guilty of this one), jumped into online forums and Facebook Groups. Over time I learned a great deal and integrated much of what I had learned into my life. I cast spells, drummed to the moon, chanted to the Gods, read on the mythologies of our ancestors, collected all the cool “Witchy tools” I could get my hands on (and afford).

Slowly I grew into the world of Witchcraft. I slowed down enough to start thinking about what I was reading and being told. I questioned the “experts” I met online, my friends who had introduced me to Witchcraft and I had long discussions (and as we moved away after College we exchanged letters). I met and fell in love with my husband (a solitary Druid) and we bought our home together. It has now been almost Nine years since I had first set my eyes upon this world. Nine years (3X3, a rather sacred and magical number, especially for a Celt like myself) I have been learning, thinking, sharing and working on making magic. Nine years, and I realize I have come full circle. (And in writing this out I have discovered I am long winded...)

Don’t get me wrong. I love being Pagan, and being a Witch! I would have jumped over to something new by now if I didn’t. And many of my spiritual needs are being met through this path. Bu I am beginning to realize how little I actually know. I’m not talking about the memorization hoey that is regurgitated time and time again (such as Green is the colour of fertility, prosperity and earth), I mean I have read probably over a hundred books, but rarely stopped to really read them. I would do one or two exercises and then go to the next. I skimmed over the material without properly allowing myself the time and effort to go deeper.

With that little epiphany in mind I do believe it is time for me to go back to the basics! I have already gone through the first stage of development (in my opinion), we all get overly excited, rushing to see what is next, thirsting for what is new, hungering for something else to sink our teeth into. Whether it is the newest and greatest meditation, book, spell, magical item or chant. I believe I am not the only one guilty of this phase. Let’s face it, Paganism is exciting! Its eye opening and introduces us to world of magic and beauty beyond belief. There is so much to see and learn one cannot blame us for running topic to topic, devouring whatever we can lay our hands on. The problem is that we all, and I am guilty of this, get greedy for that rush. We get addicted to that superficial high that this brings us, we think of ourselves as being learned, intelligent witches, with great open minds along our piles and piles of books, with notes scribbled in our little notebooks. We clutter our lives with these magical tools, and clutter our minds with all this jargon, spells, chants and books.

But at some point in time we must grow past that phase. We need to stop, and ask ourselves “What the hell am I doing? What is it I am really looking for?” Once we have answered these questions satisfactorily (and by that I mean being brutally honest. My answers were “Looking for the next spiritual high” and “To free my soul, find deeper meanings in life and connect to the Gods. And then to take this knowledge and use it to help others.” Notice that what I was doing and what I wanted were totally different things?)  Then we can begin to really move forwards and go deeper. And in essence, this is taking us back to the beginning. I am finding myself digging out those 101 books that have been collecting dust, and have started re-reading them. My next goal is to start doing the exercises, and really documenting my results. Not just the half fast skimming I did before, but really seeking the experiences and knowledge. How successful I will be, I don’t yet know. We shall find out how much determination, discipline and dedication I have.  And I hope that more people stop and receive the epiphany I have, so that they to, may dive deeper as I am about to attempt to.

I’ll keep you posted from time to time during my mental wanderings.

Humbly yours

The Redneck Pagan