Monday, December 24, 2018

Christmas Carols, The Witch and a Touch of the Divine

 I started listening to Christmas Carols the past few weeks. While no longer Christian I grew up with many of them playing in the background during the December weeks (and part of November come to think about it). I was lucky that I only worked retail for one December so they are not totally ruined for me. And before you freak out, no this post has nothing to do with any carol controversy.

We have a bunch of family favorites. Every year to this day I decorate our tree listening to "John Denver and the Muppets Christmas Together". It was my mother's favorite cassette (yeah, I'm getting old too). We also had a cassette of Christmas Classics sung by Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, The Andrews Sisters. Another one of fun Christmas songs like "I Yust go Nuts at Christmas", which always gave me a giggle, or "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" which always got me dancing.

Over the years I have added my own favorites, like Loreena McKennit's "Good King Wenceslas" and "the Seven Rejoices of Mary", I love her Midwinter CD's  where she mixes in classical carols with new ones, and that it's a mix of songs about winter, not just Christmas. Seriously her voice is captivating and has an almost ethereal quality to it. I have recently fallen in love with the sultry "Santa Baby" as sung by Eartha Kitt, the only version that should ever be played in my opinion. My Gods that woman is seductive! I mean I am not interested in women that way, but the way she purrs her song, makes me almost reconsider. I love listening to groups that do remakes of popular ones such as "You’re a Mean One Mister Grinch" by Voctave or "Last Christmas" by Postmodern Jukebox.

To be honest I love a large number of them! I don't fully connect to the message of them anymore but many of them have ties to some beautiful memories for me. Like the family cassettes or all of the classics that we sang at the Christmas Concerts in school, you know "Jingle Bells", "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Walking in a Winter Wonderland". Others have deep connections to my family history, for example "Silent Night". It is a beautiful song and reminds me of the Christmas Truce of 1914. In my husband's family 5 brothers served in WWI... only one survived the war and while we can't be certain, at least 3 of them may have been involved in the truce. But to be honest there is one that I seem to hold closer to my heart than others, "Oh Holy Night".

 
Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_truce#/media/File:Christmas_Truce_1914.png


It's not as popular as some of the others on my list, in fact I can vividly remember the first time I ever heard it. I was about 17 years old and for the longest time I didn't even know the name of the song. That first version is the one that has stuck with me all of these years. I don't think I will ever hear it sung that way again. I can remember that night as if it was yesterday. I was at the church my then boyfriend and his family attended. We had gone for the Christmas Eve Service after spending the day together. I was going to be going home to celebrate with my family after that and to be honest, that was all I could think about. The pastor was going on and on, reading after reading and as per usual I wasn't connecting to the message. I went to church to spend more time with the boy (the things we do for love) and was day dreaming of the date we had just had, and the fun night of Family Game Night that I was looking forward to.

We always sat in the back of the church so that people couldn't see us holding hands and whispering to each other. As we were so far away I didn't see the man walk up to the podium. I didn't hear the pastor introduce him to the congregation and I didn't see him push the microphone far away from his face. I didn't hear the first few words he said but the music in his voice as he started to sing caught my attention.

I remember that year that I was struggling spiritually. I was going to a church that I felt no connection to. My boyfriend and his family were very devout and would talk about how the service moved them, where as I got nothing. I had tried reading the bible, attending the youth group. I tried going to the Catholic Church with my Grandmother, was doing the rosary with her. I even listened to Christian Music and tried watching Christian movies. But nothing was working, nothing was moving me. I felt like there was a deep well of yearning inside my spirit, an almost consuming desire to touch the divine. I believed the divine was out there, but I had never seem to be able to find it. I would listen to person after person talking about their connection to the divine, to God, Jesus, Mary etc. and wondered what I was doing wrong, why had I been left behind. I even wondered if there was a divine aspect to the universe or if we were just deluding ourselves.

The man who was singing that Christmas Eve was your traditional Central Alberta Farmer. He was of average height with a bit of a pot belly. He was probably in his mid fifties and his beard was streaked with grey. His hair was more salt than pepper. He was neat and clean in what you could tell was his good suit. He was the kind of man that you see every day in these smaller rural towns and that you would pass and give a friendly smile to, and then forget.

I tumbled into the song, catching up as he sang "The stars are brightly shinning"... His voice was strong and low. The microphone for the podium was off and yet I could hear every word he sang. His voice held this intangible power to it, one that captivated you and drew you into it. I was hypnotized by his song. He seemed to grow in size in front of me, as the rest of the world around me faded away. All the sniffles and coughs that you normally hear in a large group of people melted away. I could feel ... a power from him, I could feel the humbleness of his character, and the strength of his belief and the conviction of his soul. It was as if he was pouring himself into every single note. He sang each word deliberately, with gentleness and reverence.

As he sang the first line he was gently building the crescendo to the chorus but at the line "All on your knees, all hear the Angel voices" he belted the line out in a rich and resonating bass that filled the rather large church. It almost seemed to shake the rafters and touched me in a way I still cannot seem to explain. I felt the tears running down my face, and was racked by chills that seemed to vibrate within my soul and it felt as if the universe had opened up to me for a few moments. While he may have been singing in front of a congregation of people, his song was for his God. He was pouring everything he was into this offering for his God. It was a magical, beautiful, once in a lifetime experience. I sat there long after his song, trying to process everything I was feeling. Almost two decades later and I still cannot even come close to the right words to describe the experience.

I have tried over the last 18 years to find a version of the song I like, I have found several nice ones (Bing Crosby does a beautiful version and the Mormon Tabernacle choir is a very talented group of musicians).  No matter how talented the singer is, I have yet to find a version that can even come close to the way that man sang. The power of his belief made the song more than just a carol, more than a string of words and notes. He created something vibrant and alive with his song. His song, the emotion and devotion in it touch a part of me I didn't think I would ever find. It was like a widow to the divine had been opened into my soul. The hunger for the divine that had been slowly gnawing away at me had ceased and this world slipped away. His song allowed me to finally touch the Divine.

I would eventually drift away from that church, then out of Christianity, into Wicca, and then into general paganism/spiritual misfit place that I have wandered into. I changed my ideas about life and the nature of reality over the years as I learned new ideas and philosophies. But I never again questioned the existence of the Divine, his song opened that first window for me, gave me a way to start experiencing the divine for myself. While the words he used did not speak, the emotions and the call of his soul did. I never did find out who he was, I looked for him at later services but never saw him again. Perhaps that is the way it should be. When the Divine takes the time to touch your soul, the best response is to be grateful for the gif and treasure the memory of it.




Songs to Enjoy:
John Denver and the Muppets: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPki7AqPAP4
I Yust go Nuts at Christmas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_7coicdXWg
Rocking Around the Christmas Tree: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxHL36aJvGU
Good King Wenceslas:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYLuA9xHcsQ
Seven Rejoices of Mary:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx2Mc5K9VO0
Santa Baby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeNhjPaP53I
Mr Grinch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qpH_NJ5HMM
Last Christmas:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3Hrn2_LxDs
Oh Holy Night: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tnza3mo2yD8   or   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU2TlwcH3h4

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Remembrance Day


They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Friday, November 9, 2018

One Minute

 The other night my husband and I were sitting in bed, he was browsing Facebook and I was reading a book. We normally listen to some podcasts at night and the other night was no different. I was half listening to the discussion on the use of goats as packing animals when suddenly he paused the podcast. A few moments later it sounded like a ton of cannons going off. I felt mildly annoyed at the change in listening when he suddenly said "one Minute to the hour".

There was a catch, something in his voice that made me pause before telling him to turn that racket down. Suddenly the cannon stopped and he said "the Hour". the silence was deafening after hearing the cannon blasts. It was spooky, I felt a shiver go down my back at the silence, my pulse started to quicken and I felt incredibly uneasy. Suddenly a bird started to sing and my husband said "One minute past the hour" and the recording ended. A few moments later I asked "what was that" and he said "a recording, at 1059hrs on November 11, 1918". "Armistice" I replied. It was a few minutes before I went back to my book and he switched the podcast back on. You can hear the audio here:

https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/07/eerie-recording-reveals-moment-the-guns-fell-silent-at-the-end-of-ww1-8114109/?fbclid=IwAR24tk6Gs_M-_WVRnjhEbKocke-aT41o7DoCdPcFjYH6mfi69GtDgtgKGVM

In the past few days I have been trying to find a way to put into words what that recording made me feel. Even now, re-listening to it, knowing what it contains it still makes my heart race and and I can feel tears welling behind my eyes. And the silence afterwards is a sound more profound than any I have ever heard before. A silence that marks the end. The end of a powder keg that erupted and nearly burnt Europe to the ground.

With an estimated 40 million casualties, somewhere between 15 to 19 million killed and a further 23 million wounded.  Of the dead over 8 million of them were civilians either caught in the crossfire or who perished of famine or diseases brought about by the war. A war that scarred the landscape, scars that can still be seen in aerial photographs. A war that toppled empires, redrew international boundaries and set the stage for a second deadly conflict 20 years later. A war that decimated families and nearly brought about the end of civilization. Over 2 million soldiers would be declared missing in action, to this day nobody knows where they are buried, their families would have no closure.

I have sat here with sentences turning about in my mind, how do I describe this moment? This first minute of silence after 4 years of slaughter? That first pause, that first moment where we stopped and began to truly assess the damage. The first moment of Remembrance. It's hard to find the right words, it's such a visceral experience to hear that moment when all fell silent. I cannot even begin to imagine what it felt like for those who lived to see it. Everything that they had fought for, strived for and prayed to survive culminated in that first moment of silence. A moment that resonates a century later.