Lessons from Babysitting

I just recently spent two days babysitting for my baby sister (she is just over six months old)! She is the cutest baby in the world and when my dad asked me if I would be willing to babysit for two days while he and his wife (who is a wonderful lady and an amazing mother!) was at a conference I jumped on the opportunity to have two days off and spend them with my sister! I have had the chance to babysit her a time or two before during the evening, but she usually was only up for an hour or two and then was she was asleep. So not much time to play with the baby!

In anticipation for the two days ahead I made sure I packed some fun music for us to listen to, a big picture book I had from when I was a kid and a few things for me to amuse myself with. I also swung over the night before and spent an hour visiting her so that I wasn’t a stranger in the morning. I got my instructions from dad regarding her schedule and got myself set up. Within an hour she was awake! The next two days flew by and taught me a heck of a lot, not only about babies, but about life in general.

One of the first things I found out about a baby is playtime! I had her in this saucer thing, the baby basically sits in it, with the supports going to her chest, leaving her arms free. Along the saucer are toys and bobbles she can pull at, chew on, spin around and push on. From the moment I put her in it she had to play with each and everyone of them, pulling on the plastic flower for a good chew (for babies everything goes in their mouths!). She then would spin the piece that spun around and made noise! She was constantly playing and laughing, having a great time!

When I got home I couldn’t help reflect on how much fun I had! It was so much fun to sit down beside her, making animal noises as I handed her soft plastic toys, making them dance around just to hear her laugh! So often in my life it is about deadlines, reports, balancing the household budget, cleaning the house, cooking, getting lesson plans for the youth group ready, discussing rules and regulations. It is very easy to get caught up in the details of day to day living. The two days with my baby sister gave me a chance to let loose and just play. To let my imagination take a run and to delight in the simplicity of a stuffed lion and making lion noises for her. Thanks to her I remembered the sheer joy of being alive, and what a blessing each day is!

The next thing I noticed is babies are busy! And my sister is no exception! She would wake up, have a bottle then a diaper change. From there we were ready to go! Often we were ready to go before slowpoke sister had finished changing the diaper. I had to figure out how to pin her with my arm long enough to get the diaper securely on (as it was the first time when I picked her up off the change table to dress her the diaper fell off and landed at my feet. Thank goodness she did not need to use it at that moment in time!) She would wiggle and kick and squirm about, and then giggle at me trying to keep up!

 After the diaper change and the challenging task of getting stocking on her (she has figured out how to pull socks off) I finished dressing and then we had play time. And she was not the kind to play with just one thing for hours on end. Nope, we had multiple things to play at, kind of like stations in Kindergarten. We would sit on the sofa, her propped up in the corner and me in front of her playing with all kinds of different toys. Then we would move onto the saucer,  and I would often hand her toys to play with. Around then it was bottle and change time, then we might then play with this cool little device that played sounds and music when you pushed different buttons (not sure if the baby or I had more fun with it), sometimes she would playing the jolly jumper, and other times I would dance around the kitchen with her in my arms, singing silly songs! Eventually she would just crash and have an hour long nap.

She never could seem to stay in the same place for long, she had to keep moving, keep busy. I thought of myself over the past winter. How many nice winter days I could have gone outside for a walk, or even tried an exercise video inside during the rough days. How many opportunities have I missed just by sitting on my derrière watching television (and DVD’s that I can watch anytime for that matter). She taught me the importance of staying busy and staying active, since those two days I am trying to get up and moving at least a few times a week, and rather than plunking my butt down to watch television I try to do something active, even if it’s just trying a new recipe, cleaning something or doing a craft of some kind.

The third thing I learned is that babies are curious! From the moment she woke up she had to watch, listen and touch everything. I was sitting with her on the couch, after feeding her I decided to have a banana. She was playing with some toys on the couch, watching me eat the banana. After I finished eating it I put the peel down on the table in front of me. I picked her up onto my lap and we began to make faces at each other. Suddenly *SPLAT* something slimy and banana smelling hit the side of my face! There was an eruption of laughter and another *SPLAT* to the side of my face. She laughed some more and I took the banana peel away from her. She held onto it and was trying to inspect it as I took it away from her.

Every new item I handed her had to be examined; she looked at it from all angles first, turning it around in her hand, dropping it and picking it back up. She would then give it a couple of ferocious shakes to see what it would do. Then she will put it in her mouth, and move it around, so that she could sample all edges. Anything that made noise received special attention, and had to be examined multiple times! She would do this without fail every time! If you handed her something twice she would examine it just as thoroughly, but at the third time she would put it down faster and reach for something new.

She seemed to always be looking for new experiences, new things to try. That made me think a lot about myself, in my Witchcraft Practices, and my everyday life. In my day to day life I tend to be far less adventurous! I often have my rut, I go to work, do my job, come home, cook dinner, clean a little, surf some of the same websites and go to bed, get up the next morning and do it again. She taught me to take the time to learn new things, to examine the world around me. I have decided to start saving some money and look into taking some interest courses. I have also bought a nice book on trees and plan on learning about the trees that grow in Central Alberta. I have also swallowed my fear and have applied for a new job!

The same runs in my witchcraft practices, I read the same authors, try the same variations of spells. Being with my sister for those two days taught me the importance of trying new things and not letting yourself stagnate! I am now currently going to try and learn the Tarot, I was gifted a deck year ago but never really took the time to study it! I am looking at perhaps learning two cards a week. If I get busy I can cut it down to a card a week and that should be manageable for me. This will give me a chance to expand my practice, and hopefully inspire me to pick up books that I normally would not read.

There were also lots of little, less earth shattering lessons I learned. For example I learned that if you put a baby in the center of a crib facing north, by the time you hear her wake up she will be facing south and be pressed right up against the bars. I learned that when dressing her you will get one leg into the stocking or pants, but by time you get the other leg in, the first one is out. I learned that if you have long hair with a baby you really need to keep it tied back, otherwise they will try to pull it out of your scalp to examine it. I also learned that a baby can fill a diaper to an extent that I did not even think was humanly possible, and will laugh almost manically when you go “OH MY GODS” at the sight before you.

 

All in all it was a very enriching two days. I was far busier than I had imagined I would be, had a ton of fun playing with her, and learned a lot about babies. I realized how blessed I am to have her in my life, and while I can't wait for her to grow a bit more and teach her some fun stuff, she is already teaching me more than I fathomed possible. I realized just how much courage and strength it takes to raise a child, and how blessed I was to have my parents. I realized how blessed she is to have our awsome dad, and a mother who is so kind, loving, creative and strong (and an amazing cook)!  I also realized that while I am nowhere near ready to have a child (I need a few more years to grow up), I will still babysit every chance I am offered!

Yours Humbly

The Redneck Pagan

Magical Names

I don’t have a magical name. I will wait a second to let you catch your breath (*shock, gasp*, how can she not have a magical name!?!) Yep, you read the last line correctly; I do not have a magical name. I have several Pagan friends, all of whom have magical names. Some have told me their names, others I guessed based on their online profiles on sites such Facebook and The Witch’s Voice. I have a few others who have never told me, or another person their magical name.
A while ago I tried to come up with one. What an adventure that was! Years ago I had used a Pagan name generator online for fun, well I might have well used it again for the luck I had in trying to find my magical name! I had a handful of good chuckles at some of the results I came up with, scratched my head at some that my friends had either heard or suggested, and was completely ticked off by the end of the endeavor.

One author I had read suggested that you sit down and write names at random, such as favorite animals, plants, colours and deities. So I did, my list comprised of Raven, Wolf, Dolphin, Horse, Eagle, Deer (my husband saw what I was doing and suggested the name “She who is Manic Squirrel”). Some of the plants I came up with were Oak, Apple, Rowan, Angelica, Belladonna, Strawberry, Mugwort, Irish Moss. For coulours I had Purple, Silver, Black and Green. Deities I skipped all together, I have to be honest, I was not comfortable having the name of a God or Goddess in my name. I am so far from being anything remotely divine most days that it felt like it would be more of an insult than a compliment (yes, yes, I know the entire concept of “thou art God, thou art Goddess, and I believe I hold a spark of the divine within me, as does everyone else, and that all life is sacred. But I screw up a lot and have a very long path ahead of me, I will never be perfect.)

So then I sat down and combined  names: Rowan Horse Green sounded rather silly to me, as did Silver Belladonna (although a friend of mine in Roller Derby asked if they could use it as the name for their mascot). Angelica Strawberry made me think of the lady who dances around the pole for a living and Black Horse made me think of a book on colours I had read to my sister. By the end of that particular endeavor (helped with a glass or two of wine) I was making up names just to be funny, which upon future (aka sober) reflection really weren’t that funny. Ok so that one didn’t work so I moved on to the next method.

I went through myths and history, writing down names that I liked from there, and there were a lot. Morgana, Vivienne, Bouddica, Joan (of Arc), Hatshepsut, Cleopatra Arwen, Elizabeth, Macha, Ethienne, Nimue, Diedre were all ones that made my list. Some I rejected right away. In online groups and meeting various people I came across a lot of Morgana (or variations), a ton of Vivienne’s, a handful of Cleopatra’s (on the male side Merlin, Arthur and Thor were popular). Those all went due to the sheer number of them that already used that name. Others I dropped because I felt their names would not be suitable for a Witch, for example Joan of Arc was a Catholic Martyr and Saint. Elizabeth also went since it’s the name of a current monarch and head of the Church of England. The rest I just did not seem to like or did not really seem to match me or my magical goals.

After that round I laid the task down for a few days to weed the garden and mow the lawn, thinking perhaps if I walk away from it I will get some inspiration. When a rainy day halted my plans for a long bike ride I went back to the name conundrum. Ok, Maybe stones added to the mix will help! Angelica Amethyst sounded way to much like an adult film star for my comfort, where Quartz Eagle sounded like a type of watch to me. Macha Belladonna sounded a bit to Hollywood for me and Silver Hematite Wolf just seemed odd.

So more frustration and a glass of wine followed. I read somewhere that some people will translate words into another language in order to get a right sounding name. I thought about it for a while and decided against it. Knowing my luck I would come up with the perfect name and then accidently translate it to mean something like “She who eats soup”. Besides, I wanted a name that I would know what it meant and how to spell it, rather than having to carry a cheat sheet for my name for months on end.

Ok so that didn’t turn out the way I wanted to, then one day I read a great meditation to help you find what your magical name is. I was determined to give it a try. Well the first three nights I fell asleep before I remembered I wanted to try it. So I then sat down in my pagan room to give it a shot. “ok, meditating, meditating… Breathing good… visualizing the tree, beautiful big tree of life… I really need to trim the branches on that one tree by the house, the branches will smash into the front window in a good wind… shit! Meditating, right. Ok breathing, breathing, going back to the tree… what is the dog barking at this time? Oh hubby has it. MEDITATING! Ok, see the tree, going to the tree, nice giant tree, looks like an oak. I wonder if I should water the oak we just planted, it’s been a really hot day… MEDITATE. Inner peace, nice and calm… SHIT I have to mail that gas payment still”! After an hour of this I gave up and after mailing the gas bill , helping trim the branches at the window and watering the Oak I had a beer. I have tried a couple of times since then and think I am going to have to find a voice recording of it because I can’t seem to meditate worth a damn.

So after a few months of beating my head against the wall with this I finally decided to let it go. At first it bothered me that I was unable to find a name for myself. Many witches I spoke to talked about great meditations where they found their name, others about how it clicked and felt more natural to them than their legal name did. Others told me about how spiritual and/or magical it made them feel, and how it brought them closer to their Gods. And when I heard this I was jealous, and wondered what was wrong with me that I could not find a name like they had.

But one day, I was sitting in my car at a red light, contemplating my lack of “witchyness” in not having a special name for myself (actually I was downright sulking about it), when I began to ask myself “what’s wrong with the name you have”? And it was a good question. I do not hate my name. There is even a unique and funny story as to how I was named! My middle names were a gift, as I was named after two female relatives in my middle name. My last name was the gift from my family, it gave me a place in the family, marked me as one of their own. When I got married I took my husband’s last name, as a gift from his family, an acceptance and a place in a family with a proud heritage and lineage. None of these are things to scoff at.

The name I have now has followed me throughout my life. I have used it in my low points, and in my high points. Over time it has come to encompass everything that I am. When I read that name written on a paper it carries with it all that I have created within myself, everything that I have become. And that is a pretty magical thing when you think about it. I also figure that the Gods have known me since before I was born, since I was “knee high to a grasshopper”, when I went through that wonderfully awkward stage called adolescence. They have known me since I became a woman, and started to define myself by working concretely in the world, and abstractly in my head. They know the flaws in my character, and the superior qualities I have cultivated. They have known me before I ever was granted the names I have for this lifetime, and probably know the names I will carry in future lives.

Perhaps one day I will stumble upon the perfect magical name and claim it as my own. For now, when I go before my Gods I go with the name my family gave me upon my birth, and the name I took as a gift from my Husband when we married. But feel free to use any name I have quoted above if they speak to you, I don’t think I will need them.

Yours Humbly

The Redneck Pagan

P.S.
For fun while writing this post I hit the internet and tried the “Pagan Name Generators”, and here is what I came up with:
http://www.fjordstone.com/fjo/generator.html
Sprite Branwen Annwnn
Druida Callista Avalon
Lilith Moonchild Aine
Ariel Lothlorien Druida
Rhiannon Angel Orca
Gwyneth Moonstone Moonchild
Wind Earthhaven Moonfire

http://pythorium.com/pagan_name_generator
Bluemoon  Dewdrop
Ever Iris Sea Kelpie
Ranger Crystal Witch
Treetop Toadstool
Leandra Blush Berry
Tiaret Raging Storm
Tamber Dewmist
Amethyst Dawn Airy Fairy

(Sadly I think I had better luck with these name generators than I did on my own.)
 

Coming out of the Broom Closet… Sorta

Coming out of the Broom closet is a huge issue for many Pagans. For those of you new to the path or who have never heard the term, Coming out of the Broom Closet is basically telling family, friends or whomever else you choose to tell that you are a witch. The term has been used by most people who follow earth based and magical spiritual paths. Some pagans will come out of the Broom Closet right away, as soon as they decide on their new path the world will know. Some will only tell close family and friends and some will wait for a few months or even years before telling anybody. And some still will follow their path in secrecy for the rest of their lives, telling only others on the path.

All of the above are perfectly acceptable! There is no one right way when it comes to sharing your path with others. I know a few pagans that are so far in the Broom Closet they passed Narnia four years ago (bad pun, no cookie!). They do not talk about anything unless you are a pagan yourself, and even then it might only be from the safety of an online chat group. On the other end of the scale I recently attended a Reclaiming event and met a few very “loud and Proud” pagans. They are very involved in political events and have no problem showing their paths.

I even know some people who will wear their “witch’s hat” everywhere (well maybe not the actual hat, have you ever tried to drive a small car wearing one of those things?). But they will tell everybody and their dog that they are a pagan/witch/Wiccan/Whatever. They might be trying to form a coven and are fishing for members, or they feel that the world must hear the good word of the Goddess (pagan equivalent to the JW’s), and even a few more that just want the attention. They want to start a fight to prove how superior they are. And some still are just very excited and grateful for finding the path that they can’t hold it all in! Then there are those of us who have chosen a middle ground (of sorts). We wear our pentacles or goddess symbols every day, but don’t go tromping about making a lot of noise to draw attention to ourselves.

Now I do not want to pass judgment here, everybody has to live their lives in a way that brings them the most peace and harmony. My thoughts and opinions on how to live as a Pagan are just as valid as the next persons.  So with that point cleared out, and the primer in my hands I am going to share how I have sorta stepped out of that Broom Closet.

The first people I told were my immediate family. I was still living at home at the time and felt that before I began to do anything I really owed my family the explanation. I had spent a long time thinking, reading, and asking two of my pagan friends’ questions before I decided I wanted to try my hand at this path. I then sat down with my mother one Saturday over a cup of coffee and told her I was thinking about reading on other religions. At first I got a blank stare. Then she asked me why. I told her about now feeling like I connected to Christianity, hated going to church (not that I was forced to go, I went willingly on my own, trying to connect to the divine) and wanted to Study more Earth Based religions.

We talked for a few hours about it and my mother was very calm and compassionate about it. She told me to go ahead, learn and study, just keep her in the loop: “I know you are not a baby anymore sweetie, and that as a grown woman you can make your own choices. But as your mother I love you and worry and just need to know you are safe. So keep me in the loop so that I don’t freak out ok?” After sharing a few books with her, some long talks about the path I had chosen and seeing that I was not going to join a cult she was very comfortable with the idea and we would often banter and joke about me being a witch.

The next person was Dad. After my talk with mom I went to where he was working as a bartender (yes, my dad worked as a bartender for years on Saturdays, cool dad!!!) I sat at the Bar at closing time while he was washing glasses and told him the same thing I told mom. He was much calmer than my mom; he said he figured I was searching and that he supported whatever choice I made. I occasionally told him what I was up to and explained tools if he asked what they were. My brother was next and that was the interesting one. On my first outdoor ritual the kid popped himself a bag of popcorn, sat in the backyard and declared “I’m here to see me some good Voodoo”. He then offered a running commentary on everything I was doing and saying. To this day he asks me “Done any good Voodoo lately?” but that is my brother, he has let me do card readings on him and his girlfriend and will even buy me stones or pentacles he finds that he thinks I will like.

My pagan friends already know what I was up to, but then I told my best friend. I was almost as afraid to tell her as I had been my mother. She had been a very active in her church youth group for years and we had never really discussed alternate spirituality before. I ended up blabbing it to her before work one day, after chickening out several times when we went out for lunch. I really had nothing to fear. She was so kind, loving and receptive. She said I had always been a bit different so this came as no surprise to her. Since them she, myself and her two roommates have had a wonderful time, discussing spirituality, magic and exchanging card readings.

Other friends have found out gradually over time. Some find out based on a book I am reading at the time, or a post I make on my personal facebook page. At work I don’t wear my spirituality on my sleeve, but I really don’t hide it either. I always wear a pair of Pentacle earrings and a few stone rings, I also have either a Pentacle necklace or Goddess symbol necklace on. However as I have said I dress in professional manner. My cubicle has some pagan oriented pictures and a few crystals in it. Again not really hiding it, but I don’t stop everybody at work to tell them the properties of the crystals or what spell I am using it in next week.

My involvement with the wider Pagan community is a mixed bag. On the local scene I go by my legal name, I communicate with others and attend events. I will occasionally even help set up an event or help with the event (although recently I scaled back my involvement because of my last group experience). Whenever I write anything however, I use the name “The Redneck Pagan”. It’s not that I am ashamed of who and what I am; it’s that I like my privacy. I have no desire to walk a red carpet anytime soon. I am very happy being an “average Jane” and while I love to write and share my journey, I like to walk it unhindered. I don’t want people who dislike what I have to say able to find me, or my family.

This is what works for me. It has allowed me to express my faith in a manner that is comfortable to me. I know some people will be shocked at how open I am, while others will be appalled at how much I have hid. And they are most welcome to their opinions, because you see, what they and others think of me is no concern of mine. My faith, the way I practice, what I choose to tell others is my choice. So if you want to come out of the broom closet in a loud exuberant way, do it (although don’t be surprised if you get fall out, not everybody is accepting of that which is different), if you want to slowly build up to it, that’s great. And if you are happy practicing solitary and keeping your faith to yourself, that is awesome as well. All of these are equally valid choices, and are yours alone to make. Do not feel like you must go one way or another, and don’t feel like you have to make that decision today. Take your time to decide, and don’t let anybody else tell you which way is right!

Yours Humbly

The Redneck Pagan